In issue 113 of The Lavender Lens, I wrote an article on the role technology plays in relationships. In addition to my own personal experiences, the basis of this article was input from my Facebook friends. Not all of my Facebook friends live locally, so I am including a link to the scanned article.
Here it is: Technology and Relationships – Nested Lez – Lavender Lens
Thanks everyone for your input and help!
Part two will be published in the next edition of The Lavender Lens.
One night after my girlfriend thought I had gone to bed, I walked down the stairs and into the living room again to get my cell phone to charge. As I entered the room, she jumped sky high and swung something behind her back so I wouldn’t see. At first glance it looked like a cooking pot. I had caught her, but doing what, or with what exactly, I am not sure. Fortunately for me, I don’t think she could hide another woman behind her back in a pot. I know. I’m pathetic, but you have to be thankful for what you can.
When I inquired about her jumping and what was behind her back, she giggled nervously and said nothing. Trying to not make too much of it, I tried to spy a better look to see what it could be. It was definitely a big cooking pot. That information only served to confuse me more.
Unfortunately, knowing she was trying to hide a pot from me did nothing but intrigue me further. Was she a witch, intent on brewing up some potion each night after I went to bed? Was she doing something really romantic and sweet that would make me feel guilty for interrogating her. Was she hiding something in the pot. That would actually make sense, because she knows I don’t cook, and therefore do not look in pots. She could hide anything in the kitchen and it would be safe for years, as long as she did not put it in the refrigerator, which was definitely my turf.
Did she have a habit she did not want me to know about? Was she addicted to something and hiding it in pots, to be retrieved each night after I went to bed. Was she hiding photos of a secret lover. Or maybe she was making me something, or keeping a journal she did not want me to see.
When she finally came to bed, I could not resist asking her twenty questions. Or maybe it was fifty questions. I ask her if it was edible? She said, “you could eat it if you wanted to.” I ask her what fruit it most resembled. She said a pineapple. I asked her if our dogs would eat it if it was offered to them. She answered yes. I asked her how much it weighed. She said nine ounces. I asked her if it grew on trees. She said no. I asked her if it came from the ground. She answered not exactly, but I was getting warmer. She said it was three words, two words started with an r and one word started with an f. It was a r_____ f____ r_____ .
I don’t know what to think, but I am intrigued. No, maybe it’s paranoia. Whatever the correct word is for my feelings, there is one thing that is certain. She has my attention. And stop scolding me already, as I have earned the right to be paranoid. My father actually taped my mother’s phone conversations at one point, believing she might be having an affair, which she never did. It’s kind of ironic, since he always cheated on her constantly. So as you can see, it’s not hard to get my imagination going in the wrong direction.
I don’t like secrets. They worry me. When I was a child I remember secrets usually erupted into something scary, like sleeping pods that exploded to life, when touched by sunlight. When I was a kid, my parents tried to keep the secret we were moving to Germany from me and my brother for as long as possible, worried how we’d react and trying to minimize our anxiety. But when we were forced to get all those immunizations, they were forced to fess up.
One thing I know for sure is that secrets undermine your relationship if they aren’t immediately resolved, as something truly wonderful, like a surprise birthday party or a gift for your birthday. I know I’ll never really know what I walked in on, or what she had hidden behind her back. Short of wrestling it away from her, which I would never do, there was no way to know what happened the other night. She could make up that three word answer on the spot and show up with it later to appease my curiosity. That’s the problem with a smart girlfriend. She can fool you, and you might never know.
I guess we all have our secrets. If we’re truly lucky, the biggest secrets we hide relate to surprise parties and special gifts. Being the cornball that I am, I’ll share a secret with you right now. No matter how paranoid you are, or how much you worry about the secrets you sense she keeps from you, there is nothing you can do about it. Sometimes it is better to live in ignorant bliss.
For many years I was a weekend lesbian. During the week, I buckled down and tamed my inner lesbian to fit into the work world and to woo clients. On the weekend I’d cut loose and shed the corporate suit and image to play with my girls. At the time I told myself that this dual lifestyle was required and was no big deal. It wasn’t long before my fear was justified by a narrow-minded manager I worked for in a national recruiting firm.
This closeted behavior got worse in my early thirties after I was fired by my boss when he found out I was a lesbian. Before he found out I played for the “other team,” he had been one of my biggest fans. But when I got “outed” by a jealous girl in the office who I had confided in, my Manager said I did not fit the company image anymore, even though I was one of the top recruiters for the firm at the time, and had been for three years, boasting large clients like Coke and Bell South as companies I brought to the table. The fact remains that discriminating against lesbians is legal in Georgia though, except for in a few of the more progressive organizations.
It turned out okay though, as I walked out with many of his clients and went out on my own to earn more money with less hassle. Later I heard he hired this beautiful “Ms. Florida” beauty queen, who was also a lesbian. My buddies from the office told me, rolling their eyes and laughing about how clueless the guy was. He did not know she was a lesbian either. I laughed to myself. The guy loved pretty girls, but could not tell the straight girls from the lesbians. It turned out her cover was obviously as good as mine had been for years. Sadly.
I still don’t know why it hurts to have ignorant people discriminate against you. At some level, it is hard to fathom how a person who likes you can suddenly change their feelings about you so completely, their smile turning into a frown like they just swallowed sour milk. I will never get accustomed to these drastic changes in people’s opinion based on something so frivolous as who I love.
Being bold is something I aspire to. The older I get, the bolder I get. Maybe I’m just too tired to keep up two lifestyles, or maybe I’m finally claiming my right to be a lesbian. Fitting into the straight world is not important to me much anymore, although there are times it still makes things easier. Logically, I still don’t understand why people care who I sleep with. But on more than one occasion in my past, I could tell immediately when a business associate found out I was a lesbo. Sometimes, it made a big difference in the way I was treated.
Now I find myself trying to arrange my business dealings in such a way, so as to be “out,” but with less and less consequences to my bottom line. I cater to lesbos, gays , and open-minded heteros as my marketplace. I feel lucky that Atlanta has turned into such a great place to live and work. Who would have thunk it? When I am safely tucked inside the perimeter, close to midtown and Decatur, it is hard to believe I am living in a red state.
I am still prone to being a weekend lesbian in some ways. Whenever I venture outside of the perimeter in particular, I tend to stop all hand holding with my girlfriend. I still have a distance to travel in my head before I will be completely out I guess. But I no longer count out Monday through Friday as I once did, as days to endure in hiding, changing pronouns and staying oddly quiet and evasive when asked how my weekend was by a business associate.
Could it possibly be? It’s almost too good to be true that one of the REAL Housewives of Atlanta is a lesbian? God, we love this…and not only that, but she is supposedly linked to hot lesbian, world reknown DJ Tracy Young. So what is the truth behind Housewife Kim Zolciak, seen below in her Prop 8 Photo…
Apparently, in a quote from US Weekly, recaptured in The Huffington Post this morning…“A source tells Us, “Tracy broke up with her longtime girlfriend to be with Kim. Since they’ve been together, Tracy lost a lot of weight and got really skinny for Kim. They seem to be beyond happy with each other.”
Well, we can only wait to see…but hopefully, they’ll bring it all out on the camera eventually, making another gay person a superstar!!! Way to go girls!!!
For more information read the article at The Huffington Post here!
Eyes Open, We’re Watching!
Now Greg, I think it’s only fitting
that your final injection is
administered by that slut of a
girlfriend of yours. This is the first
time she’s seen you since I had you
both worked on. I hope she likes
the new you.
This injection contains the last of
your hormone shots. They’ve done
such a wonderful job to your body
haven’t they?
You’re now ready for the training
programme. I’m looking forward to
breaking you both in. I’ve always
wanted my own pair of rubber maids
around the house. It’s going to be
fantastic watching you both
humiliated like that. Now, here comes
that needle….
Part of the documentary deals with the sexual connection between the two. I haven’t seen the complete video, so I can’t talk on that aspect, but what I can say is that I want to see more of their kind of relationship. I hear a lot of lesbians talk about ‘the sex”! Sex is all good, but once you have that orgasm, you have to have a foundation to stand on. There has to be more to the relationship than the fact that she can make you scream!
I will come back and post my thoughts on the movie once I see it in its entirety. If you have seen it, or plan to see it, please let me know your thoughts.
Peace and Blessings,
Michelle
