I was googling butch seeks butch and boi seeks boi out of curiosity and there wasn’t much to be found. Sometimes I feel like the only genderqueer butch boi who wants another butch. I mean there is plenty of butch seeks femme but just none for the bois. I feel like I have a nonexistent dating pool. I’ve been single for 26 years and I’ll probably be single for life. I would like a girlfriend that I am attracted to both physically and mentally but finding someone like that is really problematic. First off, there’s not that many lesbians to begin with. I don’t know why there are so many gay males maybe because we live in a patriarchal society and it promotes men so it makes sense for men to love men. It goes against everything that society tries to condition us to be a women who loves women. But there aren’t that many lesbians and most lesbians tend to go femme. I have nothing against femme – I know all about femme visibility and I am an ally to the cause but it’s harder being out all the time and visible queer. I’ve been punched in the face before for being gay which sucked more than anything. In NYC of all places in 2009 – how ridiculous is that? I thought the world would be beyond such nonsense. Anyways, finding smart people is hard. We all know that. The world is full of dummies. And if you are already dealing with a small dating pool to begin with – it becomes even smaller looking for someone smart. Plus, add looking for someone vegetarian and a boi – that’s near impossible.
Anyways, I don’t know why Butch seeks Butch is so taboo. For gay men, since there are plenty of them, there’s a whole bear community for masculine men who like other masculine men. They even have their own flag for their community. There’s nothing like that for the lesbian counterpart. It might just be there’s not enough of us but why is it okay for men and not for women? Double standards again? I remember being sad when reading Stone Butch Blues when they specifically said in the book butch on butch is taboo. It’s the mentality now. I get such a hard time when I hit on other butches. I get treated like an alien and ignored. It happens all the time when the rare occasion I find a butch. It’s a real blow to one’s self confidence to be treated so poorly. It should be taken as a compliment being hit on – by anyone. It’s nice to know you are attractive. If you don’t like the person who’s hitting on you, don’t be mean to them. Say “Thank you, not interested.” Then again, I learn that if they are a jerk to me, they weren’t worth my original attempt and are just a pretty face with an ugly inside.
I am a sweet kid who looks like a bad ass and I get lots of shit for that because everyone thinks a million and one things about me that aren’t true. It’s also hard being genderqueer. At least with being ftm or mtf – you have a gender identity – you might be the wrong gender but there’s a gender for you. For me, there is no gender. I am just genderfucked. Not male and not female and just stuck being something I am not without any options. I feel so out of place in a world with males and females and not much room for a this or that.
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