I am the quintessential overthinker, and work, work, work to detach, but it comes easier for me only at times. I went out on Friday, and had talked with her via text the day before, but now haven’t heard from her at all. I don’t like that I saw her closest friend out here at the club and she was snotty to me. I know that she has been having trouble connecting with her, because some the texts that she has sent in the last couple of weeks have said so. I also know that when we were together last weekend, she had an invitation to spend time with her. Her nastiness could have been just jealousy that I have had some of her final moments here in this state. This woman has never liked me, and while I don’t desire to be liked, it is awkward because I’m sleeping with one of her best friends. DD. Glad that I didn’t drink at the club, so that cannot be blamed for any DDD.
So, because I had not heard a thing, I texted her before I went to bed. Pretty innocuous statements in my Sent this box this am, but my Inbox is empty. I just told her that I hoped that she had a good weekend and that she was able to keep warm. The snowfall woke me up forty-minutes before the alarm went off with a start because it gave the impression of daylight. Worried that I overslept, and rolled quickly to my alarm stand. I also told her that I hoped that her week is as normal as it could be. Her job is so difficult here… I actually want her to be able to move and hope that another state will offer good employment because working here can bring her to tears. No one wants to feel that way about work. I’ll admit that I care an awful lot about her, and want her to have happiness. I don’t want her to be miserable because of what she does a minimum of 50-hours per week.
The third issue is that now we have concrete away-weekend plans. I want them to come to fruition. I don’t want her to cancel this time. I don’t want a reschedule either. I didn’t initiate these plans. In fact, it is rare for me to initiate anything with her, because it doesn’t make me feel comfortable to do so. She was texting me last Wed, and asking about our dinner plans. She then changed the restaurant to one out of town. That’s cool. We’ve never driven very far together and talk so easily that it will be fun. Then when we firmed up plans she said that we would stay away overnight and listen to music the next day. That sounds wonderful.
She and are are mutable signs. Does that mean that “any wind can blow us?” Maybe, but it also means that we both adapt. I’ll deal if she cancels and if I never hear from her again, but am tiring of those lines that I believe were written by Amy Ray, “just because it came and went, doesn’t mean it was never true.” I want to stay connected to someone in some respect, and can adapt to change, because, “If I remain the same, am I denying what was said,” and in this case, I’m afraid it is because I have left many things unsaid. If we do go away this weekend, I am unlikely to say them aloud to her.
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