The more I find out, the less I know. I’ve long given up trying to put the pieces of her puzzle together. I really just need her to openly be honest about who she is and what her intentions are. I guess I don’t even need to know what she has been doing (unless there is a safety issue), for I won’t know if she’s telling the truth or giving me the whole truth. I think I’m just trying to be understanding, forgiving, and just let things unfold as it should. If she’s playing around, it’ll all come out eventually. I feel she is messing around. I bring it up and she hardly defends herself. She doesn’t even acknowledge it one way or another. It’s as though she knows that I know, and as long as I’m not making a big deal of it or leaving her, then that’s her green light to continue doing what she’s doing. I’m not sure if she realizes, though, that what she is doing is taking me for granted so blatantly right in front of my face. She may feel safe not opening up her truths to me, but it’s also deteriorating what we have together. I don’t know what means more to her.
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